Our Seven Chins (and it’s not because I’m a LesboOnTheCouch)

LesbosOnTheCouch
by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

Our Seven Chins (and it’s not because I’m a LesboOnTheCouch)

How many chins do you have? I have seven. Look at your feet.

I walk into the office…no, not the work office – another office I frequent…

“You smell nice.”

Really? Nobody ever says that to me…must be my hair.

“No, it’s something else…It smells like an essence or oil of some kind.”

Oh, it must be my chins. I say this pointing to my sandaled feet. My Love creams them every night so that they won’t be all dry and scratchy and painful for both of us…

“Your chins?...on your feet?”

Yeah.

Oh, I forgot again. We have different body parts then everybody else…

Look at my feet. Those things you call heels. Don’t they look like chins? And that body part you call elbows – elbow or arm chins. And at the bottom of the butt –butt chins…There you have it seven chins.

Well, what else is different about me, about us? My kid grew up with six pits. Everyone has arm pits…but we have more of those, too.

Son 1 came from school one day (I think he was in junior high school already)…a bit confused, amazed and maybe angry….”Mom! DO YOU KNOW THAT KNEES DO NOT HAVE PITS?! And neither do elbows….!” This he learned from his biology teacher….

Semantics my child – EVERYTHING is just words…

Some women have tits. I have BOOBS. We all have breasts. I love boobs and boobies- not such a fan of tits and titties…and breasts – well, if I am being all serious and technical and mature and artsy…breasts will do. But boobs and boobies are fun! They bounce and jiggle and dance! And one day they will touch my knees and maybe my toes when I can no longer bend to reach them myself.

And then there is the vagina…or if you are a New Yorker, you might say, virgina…but you’d be mistaken- for very many reasons…Personally, I have a twat. I learned about twats from an older friend long ago – when she was still alive and had one herself. Twats are also lots of fun and full of pleasure and wonder.

Then there is pussy…which reminds me of cats and something a little too sweet and soft and unpredictable, without strength and self determination.

Twats equal fun.

My Love sometimes says toota…and I think of something noisy and horn-like…which of course can happen…toot – a!

But my twat is warm and welcomes my Love…and brings me pleasure…And it too will eventually replace my slippers and be warm and fuzzy on my toes and foot chins in the winter.

Ok – so that about sums up my feminine parts…and by the way –

HAPPY GAY PRIDE PARADE, my Tel Aviv friends! Yeah for us…and yeah for the places that allows us the pleasure of being whom we are!

A Freakishly Short Update: The Move

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

A Freakishly  Short Update: The Move

The LesbosOnTheCouch –we've begun. The flight has been staged. In 2 days' time the truck will come and cart our belongings away to another house, yet, another new home.

The new home is smaller than this house. The new home is a bit short and shrunken…but, hopefully, our new home will be like my Freakishly short arms…sweet, warm and welcoming.

The new home is small…so small that we HAD TO SELL THE COUCH…Yep, we've sold THE COUCH…The original Lesbos' couch now sits humbly in the home of our hetero friends. Our Couch, the Lesbos_Couch is now home to the HeterosOnTheCouch. May they sit in peace.

More later…after the move…as we return to the next  LesbosOnTheCouch…in the new, short and shrunken but Freakishly  warm and welcoming arms of our new home…

FREEDOM!

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

And the spring holiday of Passover is almost over ---Passover, the holiday that symbolizes Freedom – Freedom…Freedom, something that we should all treasure and value…but Freedom is only truly valued when won.

I didn't always believe that. I didn't really think about it personally…but it is time to do that…to think, to contemplate…and to write and speak out…Freedom is a beautiful word. It is almost as wondrous as Love. Love is most appreciated when first found – This is something that many of us have been fortunate enough to experience…finding love…but Freedom…many of us have not had the experience of finding Freedom…a great many of us have had Freedom handed to us without ever having it…Maybe that is why so many of us don't appreciate the true meaning of the word Freedom…as defined by my Google search: The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

I have been lucky and blessed- my entire adult life I knew Freedom – I chose to move to Israel. I chose to marry and have children. I chose to divorce move on and accept my desire for women. And then I chose to accept and love and beyond - to marry My Love…The woman of my dreams, the woman of My Life…She chose me. I chose her…Our Freedom, our choice…We had the Freedom to choose to accept our Lesbianism and our love – and build our lives together. Freedom gave us the ability to be able to change our former state, our past and move into the life of our true selves.

True selves….this is another concept that is taken for granted by many people…but to reach our True selves, we must first know our Freedom – our Freedom to choose to be that True self.

So many people who live in a state of 'Freedom' may never really know their true selves. They may think that the way that they were raised; the way that they have been their 'whole' lives is their true self…-without ever looking into themselves, without allowing themselves to choose a direction or a path that will bring them to that inner place of peace.

Maybe I am just rambling senselessly – or maybe you get what I am trying to say…To choose to be able to be who we truly are…to do this, we need to both realize who it is we are and that we can change and be that person. This is true Freedom. This is the true gift. The gift of Freedom allows us to be who we are. The Gift to know and then be our True selves…This is Freedom. And this I have…and this I wish for all of you…

Happy Spring!

The Spiraling Lesbian - or I Have a Fever and What Does It Mean

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

So--- a fever…had one for 5 days… a bit high…just enough to make me think  I might be dying.  Ever since my best friend had  ''flu symptoms'' for a couple of weeks about 25 years ago and wound up dead from leukemia, I always find myself thinking that I must be dying when I have a fever for more than 24 hours.

This is not really as horrible as it sounds.  Allot of very positive thoughts can come to surface when you think you are going to die. They say that may people bargain with God when in this situation – but let's face it – I don't have any chips to trade.  First of all – any chips I do have are the Creator's already… (For the record, Creator is not my favorite word for God. In Hebrew, we say Borai Olam…Creator of the universe/world…this suits me better. Or in Hebrew I could say, The Light…and for some reason it doesn't sound so cheesy as in English – the Hebrew word being ''Or''… but I have gone off track, just a bit.)

And now I think of how many people, for their own good reasons are going think that it should never have been written. To these people, I can already say…if the good Lord has seen fit to get me out of bed at 3AM after having a miserable flu for a week, well…then clearly this is to be written…So I write.

So the good points of thinking I may be on the list of sooner rather than later to meet the Greatest Creator – our Creator, or Light…well, for one…I remember how many people I love and who I miss…I remember that if I should die, maybe, just maybe, I will get to feel their hugs, hear their laughter and breath their breath again, even if for only one short moment in between.

Another good point – I am not really afraid. Sad that I will miss my boys and my Love and those who I love and who love me…I will miss them, but, my experience has taught me that in a few years' time – just a blink of eternity…and my memory will become to them something pleasant and warm…for them to share with each other, maybe a grandchild or two…or keep to themselves as a smile on a rainy day.

Some people believe that in the next cycle, the next spiral or trip back to life we get to work on the things we did not finish ''right'' or ''well'' this time around…Well – while I stand by my story – "I did the best I could at the time" – I certainly made some dumbass mistakes (oh yes, hind sight is a bitch – but it is better late than never). So I pray that this theory hold enough merit for me to make it back here with enough stored inside my little head, to learn from these mistakes and not make them again….Maybe not only not make them again – but make things better for some of the souls that I hurt – in their next trip to this world or similar dimension.
Ahh…3:25AM….to post or not to post?  Coherent or not coherent?

Hoobly or not hoobly…and what about those ridiculous lives we all lead, believing we are so important? What about all those Facebook 'friends' in virtual nowhere, being supportive – agreeing or disagreeing…really? It is none of the above – but on Thee…That lets me know that I am alright. I am okay. I did my best. I do my best. I was. I am. I love my boys more than myself. I love My Love…as myself…I am a mom. I am a woman. I am a Lesbian. And in all of these, I find acceptance and Love in Borai Olam who made me as well…I am good enough for Her(or Him)…so I must be good enough for myself.

Please excuse any awful grammar ---now 3:34AM ----and I want to post.

Short and Sweet -

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

The day begins and I am sitting at my computer, waiting for the inspiration – waiting for the spirit to take me- waiting for the words to start to flow…waiting, waiting, waiting…maybe that's not the way to go…

So I begin to write – my fingers are click, click, clicking on the computer…I love the sound, I love the way it feels as my fingers hit the keys…it is for me like a symphony…each key a different letter into another word then sentence…finally a paragraph and then a whole page.

The days have been full, the nights even fuller. My Love is back and with her the fullness of everything that lives around us. The garden – suddenly we have flowers in the house again, and food cooking on the stove and in the oven…suddenly the bed is not a quiet noiseless and dark place but a place of laughter joy and tears…She is home and with her the life is here.

We spend our days working and dreaming of respite. The time we get back to each other and our own little world of love and laughter – lots of laughter and more tears. When I was alone, my life was more one two one two…wake up, go to work, come home….the emotion was singular and in a stream of one, one, one…

Now, we are back to the boobies and the short arms and the noses and the hair…perfume and flowers and blue hair…holidays are real and time is filled with motion and movement and thoughts and going and coming and all together now family and love and pain all together and talking and sitting and action…and I gotta go here and meet you there.

You are home now and life is full again with so many words and everything…

We talk into the night…I can barely keep my eyes open…I snort and you giggle, time to sleep… we've been talking into the night forever – for many lifetimes of which this is one. We have made love for centuries of which this is one night. We have been together so long – sometimes being a part just reminds us to come back home.

I am so glad that you are home!

Grateful - and a Lesbian Too

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

Love…love is a really big word. It should not be taken lightly…

My Love has been away for about a month…a trip to regenerate her soul, to find some cold and fresh air – to be physically in a different place.

My Love is coming back tomorrow. I love my love. I do not take this love lightly – but this love feels light. This love feels like that white bright life that gives us live.

I know that this is my day to write my blog – sometimes it is filled with sorrow, sometimes with silliness, sometimes with great sadness. Today I am just grateful. My Love is coming home. My Love has chosen to come home to be with me. She chooses me as I choose her…every day, every night.

Everything is a choice. Every day we make choices. We get up and go to work – that is a choice. We eat breakfast, grab a coffee and go. This is a choice. We speak …not only is speaking a choice- but having others in our lives, to listen to us, this is a choice as well.

Some of us chose to strip at the Dead Sea. Some of choose to stand in protest. Some of us choose to eat. Some of us choose to fight. Some of us choose to go to bed, to avoid a life. Some of us choose to wake and live each day…Some of us choose to love and some of us 'fall in love'…but the fact is, it is all a choice.

Every day, everything that I do or do not do, is a choice.

Everything we do is here and now. Everything that was, is now in the past, it is past. We can choose our present, we cannot choose our past….

I wake every day and make a conscious effort – I make the choice… every breath, every step, every minute, I make the choice to choose the present. This is so difficult…I often find myself caught up in a tidal wave of yesterday. I then feel lost and desolate and shamed. In these times, I choose to reach out to those whose hands and hearts are strong and sure and can lead me out of the water onto the shore. I am so lucky and so grateful to have these people in my life…

Today, I am very grateful for the choice that My Love has made – to come back home to me. I am grateful for the Love that has been given and I am grateful for the Blessings I have received ---the Blessings that I have received as a LesbianOnTheCouch, in a world where my past could have drowned me, had I been alone.

Today…I am grateful…to be this person, to be this woman, to be this Lesbian, to be this Loved, to be this Believer…to have my God.

Spencer Tunick and the not so lost boobies....

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

Spancer Tunick and the not so lost boobies….

What a way to start the night…Slide show with pictures, dark dark pub…I am completely out of my element – Suzanna – blimey, I take you literally!...

I leave work early…and go to friends and we take a cab. The Cabby is nice enough. Can you turn on the light a minute? I want to look up the address of our destination.  As we are driving, nice Cabby opens his car door – that is one way to get some light on the situation, as we speed down the main road into the city…Ahh…I’ve got the address, Dog and Cat is where we are off to…Dog and Cat it is….or something like that…Dog, cat, hat, no hat, no hat, Naked Dead Sea, no hat, no jacket…It is a warm night anyway.

We get there – and somehow we are on the wrong side of the entrance door…In another dimension this means that we are actually at the exit…and can’t get in…outside…walk around the block….noisy ….loud….dark….very dark…FOUND the place and the entrance into darkness….down the stairs….down…down…down.

Enter…

On a giant banner screen on one wall of the bar it flashes, Spancer Tunick…yep, that’s it! Spancer must be so proud to be among the greats; Mickel Jeckson and Lincolon and sendwitchs!

…On another wall, pictures from ‘the shoot.’ And there they are ---MY BOOBIES… (and me, of course, attached to them there bobbing boobies…floating on top of the salty sea…the Sea of Salt…not a Dead Sea at all…How could a sea of bodies – boobies and bushes; flat and full, thin and thick, bendy and stiff, soft and hard, young and old, smooth and wrinkled, blonde, brunette, black, grey and white…how could anyone say that this is a DEAD Sea...)

And then there is the obligatory bar – party is a party is a party is a party equals booze…what else does one mix with boobies – especially MY BOOBIES…Bobbing, floating, alive in the not Dead Sea of salt…and life that was….Life that was…

We all make choices…all of our life is really a series of choices that lead to experiences that lead to more choices that lead to more experiences that lead to more choices…

And that is why I am here. That is how I got to be so lucky…There is no such thing as luck. Did you all know that? There is no such thing as luck…It is true, I got the gift of boobies and not so big bush…But I did not have to put it out there. I could have stayed at home and hid it all…I could choose to stay at home and sleep the sleep of heavenly bliss and never know the excitement, the awe and the wondrousness of having put it all out there with all of those other amazing people and that phenomenal artist…photographing the world…changing the power, the view, changing the world. But it was not luck that sent me out there…It is not luck that has me sit here and write about it today…It is a gift. It is a choice to accept that gift.

It is a gift. It is a choice to accept that gift. And for today at least, I chose to accept that lift. (And I thank you Suzanna for showing me…)