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Sunday, January 13, 2013

I Forgot to Dance

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

I Forgot to Dance…
Life is a field of learning and sometimes the learning is really hard and painful and sometimes it is just exhausting and I want to go to bed and stay there…After a couple of weeks of trying to 'get over myself'  I realized that I had forgotten…forgotten…so, I forget what I forgot…nothing new. Maybe that is part of the problem…forgetting but forgetting the wrong things!
Sometimes I forget who I am and what I am made of. I forget why I am here and what it is that I am doing…I forget to eat. I forget to move. I forget to make a phone call. I forget to put up a laundry. I forget to cook the soup. I forget to do the dishes. I forget to pull the sweatshirt down off of my eyes before I start walking –and walk into the wall…I forget to turn the soup off and then don't understand what 'smells like something is burning.' I forget to turn the radiator off and then don't understand why my leg is so hot. I forget to turn the light off and don't know why it is so light at 4AM.  I forget…
But, I have found that if I concentrate on my feet, eventually  I can dance…and dance and dance…And if I am dancing then it doesn't really matter what other things I have forgotten.
Lately my Love and I have taken a turn and been making a concerted effort to enjoy ourselves –trying to enjoy our life together as a couple…sometimes just being is not enough…Sometimes just being is like forgetting ---and it just is not good enough.
These past two weeks in a row we've gone DANCING- but not just dancing. We've gone to parties for 'girls just like us.' And when I say, 'girls just like us' I am not just talking about lesbians, I am talking about us 'older' Lesbos…those of us who usually do spend our evenings sitting on the couch with a good book or more likely, good show or movie.
I love to dance…and I had almost forgotten how much I love to dance. I don't even need to drink to get warmed up…just put on some of that ''old time rock –n-roll'' and I am on my way to Lesbian euphoria. So when one of our friends called last week and asked if we were interested, I said sure…
And much to every one's surprise, no less my own surprise, my love and I actually got up OfftheCouch and went and danced the night away. Have you ever been to a dance with women and only women? Women who are so finally comfortable in their own skin…loving each other and themselves?…By the time you reach 45, or 50…I  can say this as I am finally reaching that point myself…comfortable in my own skin…and dancing with people of like mind as well as of like (as in, similar) body is pure pleasure…nothing to prove, no one to show off for, no one to show up or over…just dancing for the pure pleasure of celebrating life….
Dancing and loving are very much the same, except one I prefer in company and the other in private. One I can do with many and one with just my one Love…
My advice to all on these oh-so- cold, cold winter nights…after a week or so of cuddling on the couch and in bed – get up and DANCE….Just Dance.
So, what is it that I forgot? I forgot to Dance.

 

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful piece. I am not that familiar with Lesbian social life, but for us Gay men, the whole scene still worships youth way too much: as the man once said, "Next year I will be thirty which in Gay years is a hundred and five." (Wish I could remember where I got that from so I could provide the proper citation but if there is one thing middle age has forced me to come to terms with is that I have forgotten more than some people will ever learn.)

    Perhaps it is only arrival at the "middle" stage of life that makes us appreciate the joys of being together simply for the pleasure we take in each other's company, whether it be dancing, bowling, cooking, or sitting on the couch sharing a bowl of popcorn watching a movie, which we will immediately dissect (we're both latent film critics).

    It is at these moments that I remember most vividly why I stood up in that Unitarian Church ten years ago and committed myself to this man, my soulmate, my best friend, and as corny as it sounds, the missing piece I had been waiting for all my life but didn't realize it was missing until I found it.

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