The LesbosBuyaRadiator...

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

We needed a heater. Well, I don't know how much I need one, with the rate at which I am consumed by the Hot and Bitchies (my pet name for my Heat Flashes). But it is December and my Wife, she needed a heater.

Our houses are built to keep in the cool air…A good thing in a Mediterranean climate…but with the winter upon us – well, the house is just too cold to sit in during the day without a winter coat – which makes working on the computer – and doing anything else indoors, a bit of a challenge. So, after doing a wee bit of on line research, off we went to get a radiator.

Radiator…in my mind the word radiator conjures up all kinds of weird and fantasia-like images. I imagine an apartment in Brooklyn, with the radiator clanging as the heat is finally turned on. I imagine a beautiful old house in the city, with the radiator painted green to match the walls. My mind then wonders off to hearths, fireplaces and gas heaters and hot soup, deliciously made by my Wife's loving hands.

Now I am just hungry. And even a bit cold. What was I writing about? Oh, yeah, the radiator expedition. So we went out to do our morning errands. I couldn't find the number 2 on the ATM machine, so after 3 tries the machine 'swallowed' my card. Bon Appetite.  Apparently the ATM was thinking about something warm and tasty too, got hungry and greedily ate my card…

Back to the heater…My Wife and I go into the local electrical appliance shop. We say that we are looking for a radiator. The salesman says that they have only two brands; one, well-made (in theory…a theory which we intend to test) and a less expensive, not so good brand. We are surprised that in the middle of the winter they only have these two but after some discussion, we decide to splurge on the better seeming one of the two.

We go to pay. We've shopped in this store before, so the salesman says that they 'have us on record.' At least they say they do. They actually have my Wife on record -but with the wrong name, the wrong address and the wrong phone number…but who's to say that this is not really her anyway? After some convincing, the salesman's boss instructs him to change her details in the computer (for some reason, this was not part of the 'keep the customer happy' instruction that the salesman has obviously been to. How do I know he went to a 'keep the customer happy' course? Well, as we were paying, I notice two other brands of radiators. When I ask about these, the salesman replies that, "they don't really work, so I didn‎'t tell you about them. They just run on air. "

I see, I say and then burst into hysterical fits of Hot and Bitchy laughter. My Wife asks the salesman, "If they don't work, why do you keep them in the store? "

"We have to. Somebody may want them anyway" he says…

I am giggly like a mad cow the whole way home.  And now for the soup…