Freakishly Short - Toes and All

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos
-The other is temporarily up and about...frolicking somewhere in the snow...

Ok, it has been more than a month since I've posted. I've wanted to. I've wanted to write…but the flow just seemed to have …II…paused…

Actually, that is not what happened…I just got too busy…mostly in my head. And then there is this...

My love has taken off – she's flown away for a trip, a vacation, a break…Life is like the wind –sometimes blustery and stormy and a full blown squall with gusts that can knock you right off your feet…sometimes it just flows and twists. Lately life has been a stormy winter wind.

I see that the petals on the flowers have begun to fall from the flowers in the vase.

I see that my middle toe is pretty small. All of my toes are really small-   but for some reason, my middle toe is the same size as my pinky toe.  The thing about my toes…they have the same waving capabilities as my hand. That is, I can wave hello and good bye with my toes…and that is a good for many reasons.

Yes, I get don't get as bored as other people do.  I always have all kinds of things around me to amuse me…sometimes it's my job or the people at work. Sometimes it's My love or my friends. Sometimes it's my toes…or the wind or my freakishly short arms…or strange sounding words…phalanges…phalanges…

The thing about my toes- they are always there. Sometimes, especially in the winter – and always when I am at work – they are inside shoes or boots. At home I feel especially free and happy. My toes come out of their socky abode and wave to a passerby…and to me

Life is not very different from my toes.  Just like my toes, life is always out there. We can cover it up an ignore it –but  it doesn't just go away; no matter how much we might try to pretend that we are not a part of it – we are…Like our toes are part of our feet.

So we laugh and drink and eat and pretend we don't care…but deep down – that toe, that little toe in the middle of my foot, it is there.

I am taking a course now- it is helping me with my emotional eating…you know, that knee jerk response to unpleasantness ---where's the chocolate?

It really is helping me. I realized at the very beginning of the course that I didn't even know when I was really hungry – or when I just needed something to calm and comfort…How sad is that? I knew that I ate when I was sad, depressed, happy, frustrated, angry, excited, nervous, afraid, annoyed…but I didn't realize that all of that  had hidden the one true signal that my body was giving me when it was time to eat – when I a am hungry. In my life experience, I was always – am always hungry.

I've learned now that that feeling of being empty and needing to fill the gaping hole wasn't really hunger – It was emptiness.  An emptiness that needs to be filled by something other than food…

What does this have to do with my toe? Well, nothing really – just an observation ---just like the eating had nothing to do with needing to eat – with physical hunger…

We can connect anything to anything ===

And I do…to My love---who is off in flight, playing in the distant snow…and not sitting here on the couch with me and my phalanges. I love you. I miss you. My toes and I wish you enjoy yourself and think of us...My toes are waving you hello and may peace be with you...