LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos
Waiting…always waiting. Hurry up and wait. Get up and go to sleep. Wait for the living, hurry up for the dying.
I am now waiting for a visit from my son and his partner. I miss him so much. I can feel the pain in the hollow of my throat. We all know that pain. Every woman I know has at least one someone she misses that much. For me it’s my sons…and now my aunt.
When the people we love die, we don’t know when we will be with them again. In time, after a period of heart wrenching and wrenching pain, our bodies and souls ‘adjust.’ We miss them…but the pain somehow softens and becomes less sharp.
When there is someone we love who we can’t see, the pain is different. It is an emptiness that can get so wide and vast that it can take over all of who we are… (Not more, but different…and in my heart, that emptiness remains the same…)
That is one possibility. The other possibility it is what I have decided to attempt, right here, right now.
I miss my boys. I think of them every day. I wonder what they are doing. I pray that they are safe…and then I go about my day. I go to work. I come home from work. I eat allot of chocolate- chocolate chip ice cream….and inevitably, I sit on the couch.
One of my best friend’s younger brothers has just died suddenly. I want to send her my love and hold her tightly as she weeps her loss. I love you and I am so sorry for your loss, for his loss and for all of the pain…
But, forgive me, I need to get back to my couch…Life is so unpredictable. One day life is here. The next day life is not. It’s gone and- like energy transformed… that life that was here, we very suddenly don’t know where to look. We can’t see where it’s gone and we so want to find it…We all need to get back to the couch…There is too much dying. There is. There just is.
It is these moments that I find sitting on the couch, being with my love, just being the LesbosOnTheCouch, saves me.
We sit. We wait. We eat ice cream. We watch TV. We read a book…Do you all know that my absolute favorite way to fall asleep is to my loves’ voice as she reads to me…? You should all try it…
It works like this. I’ve hurried home from work…battling traffic and/or train traffic…I rush into the house, I’m home!!!! Where are you?
Here I am! How was your day?
Me - talk, talk, talk, talk….
My love, -Wow, you are amazing… (Yes, she actually says that TO ME!)
-I am so glad to be home, I squeeze her tightly as she comes to me and we hug…I almost strangle her, I am so glad she is here waiting…
And then we sit OnTheCouch, Lesbos that we are…and talk and eat…and watch TV…and then one of us begins to doze…Get up and go to sleep…come on, you can do it…Get up…Get to bed, we’ll go to sleep.
Well, we actually do get up off the couch and into bed…and no matter how tired I am and no matter how long we have been waiting to get into bed…My mouth and brain are suddenly and inexplicably wide awake….
Talk, talk, talk, talk, I shot the sheriff…How dry I am…My bologna has a first name….Country roads take me home…and can you believe that I tripped off the train and landed right in that poor guys lap?…and what am I going to do about this? And that? And more of this and that? Talk, talk, talk…
Sssssssshhhhhush …I’ll read to you…
Talk, talk and talk and various body parts and a nose…boo boo boo booby air, boo boo boo booby air…
‘’As the rain came down…’’
Rain? Rain? Did you say rain or train? It sounded like you said train. That would actually be better….
‘’As the rain came down in the dark city, ‘’
City, titty…itty bitty titty…She wore an itty bitty tiny weenie yellow….
“As the rain came down in the dark city, Antoinette realized for the first time that she was alone in the night.”
Alone in the night – why is she alone? This is a dumb book. Who wants to be alone in the night when they can be lying here in bed with us…? Whoever wrote this book is definitely…a teeny weenie titty….mmmmmmfff.
“As the rain came down in the dark city, Antoinette realized for the first time that she was alone in the night. She looked down at the street through her bedroom window …”
And another day is done. Soon it will be morning. Please I pray the day will be a day with just morning afternoon and night. Please no more morning mourning. Please.
No comments:
Post a Comment