Terrific mornings....

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

There are these terrific mornings...I wake up early, my love makes me a cupa and I go off to work – just knowing that she will be there for me when I come home. I get to the office – it’s still quiet.

The thing about the quiet…it doesn’t really last…soon the hustle and bustle begins- mostly in my head – Strangely enough I am focused all day…I mean truly focused.  I make my calls, write my reports and prepare the plans and more reports for the next day, week…I don’t hear the people around me unless they sing my name…and even then they aren’t really there…just movements outside the head….(ok, so I exaggerate…I love these people too….even if I don’t really see them)

And then I go home…If it is not yet dark, the drive is pleasant. I love the drive when the sun is shining and the music is blasting – sometimes I put in an old CD – yes, I am a Joan Baez and John Denver diehard. I love sitting in the car singing the old tunes….Country roads, taking me home to the place I belong…..the night they drove old Dixie down…while I sing low sweet chariot, coming to take Oscar Mayer home…just as Someone Saves my life tonight – right before the Bitch is Back from the boxer and the fighter and a nnnnaaaa by my name I carry a reminder of every,,,blllaala til I cry out –I am leaving I am leaving but the fighter still remains singing la da de dadadada….And then – Daylight Comes and We Are Home…aaayyoh…AAAAAAAAyoooooo! Daylight comes and we are home////

But as soon as I walk in the door – it all changes. My Love envelopes me in her warmth and caring – looks me I the eyes and loves me too.

And then the silly – the Loopy begins…Here I am, loopy again….ah ah…the race to crazy has begun…I don’t even need a beer – and I am rhyming nonsense and speaking the language of the babbling wo-man. Soon the old songs, mostly commercials come in – sometimes with a twist…you know the Oscar Mayer one …the rocking the booty in the bosom of Abraham…or maybe shooting the sheriff, but not the deputy.- I love shooting the sheriff – and did you know that once upon a time they shot a canary? And soon the giggles begin…the giggles can be extremely dangerous…they usually come with some very loud and fragrant booming – (I recently learned the word Dutch Oven – who would have thought? Do you think the Dutch know?)

And who knew about Toe Jam? Not me , we didn’t have Toe Jam growing up – just the regular grape jelly…but Toe is special. Apparently when you get into bed at night the sheets are hungry and the toes so kindly share their jam with the sheets  - And THE BLANKETS.  And watch out – soon the whole bed bottom is covered. This means, no putting your head down there – no twisting the blankets with the toe jam side up to the face – toe jam is ok as long as its by the feet – but watch out – if it hits the face and you get toe jam on the face – or the Nose…well…that is just not ok;..and that brings me to the nose.

Have you ever noticed that noses come in 2 forms; hard and smooshy. I, have the smooshy kind. My nose can be squooshed almost completely flat to my face –Admittedly with some breathing difficulty. My love – her nose is hard. Her nose, doesn’t bend, mush or even move – even when she is laughing hysterically running to the ‘other room’, her nose just get a little crinkle…and that’s it…Who would have thought. I have a theory. I don’t think that smooshy noses can be with other smooshy noses. I think that one nose must be smooshy so that when you kiss the other nose can smoosh it…and the kiss can still be good.

Any way…At some point you must wonder, what exactly did you hear through the grape vine and how? You can no more hear something through a grape vine that I can squoosh my loves nose to her face or get her to agree to put head on the Toe Jam side of the bed even if it is The Midnight Special, while someone saves my life tonight as I roll around the basement floor ----whoo whhooo whooo – Dutch Oven coming, warning warning….woops to late- an oh no we put the fan on – Dutch oven on the face-

What a life.

Shower me a Blue Fridge...

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

It’s a holiday- we are all to be dressed in white…Everyone looks so lovely.

In the wooded area, dark and green and cool the little girls are running and skipping, while their elders sit on the benches by the picnic table, sipping their coffees and wine. In the distance we can hear the gentle babbling of the water as it falls down its soft algae covered slope into the pool below. The water from the pool can be seen from a certain angle as the sunlight plays though the leaves of the trees and sends sparkles of light dancing in the air.

Off in the corner of the clearing there is a refrigerator. A line of girls, still in there play clothes wait their turn. Apparently the fridge is actually a shower room, but we are all hesitant…How can we get in there to shower with all of those refrigerator shelves?

The girls open and close the door…and open and close the door again. I really want to take a shower and put on my white dress too…But I can’t figure it out…how will I fit in there with all of those shelves…I look for my Love – I know that she will have the answer.

My Love comes up to me and takes my hand…she opens the door to the fridge and steps in. As she does I see that the fridge is actually a much larger room with shower heads sprouting from pipes that line the walls and the ceiling. A little girl is sitting at the entrance. She was the first to go in, no questions asked – she knew …She’s already showered and sits on the floor in her white dress which looks yellow and quite frilly in the off white light of the fridge. She is smiling and giggling as she puts on her shoes. Her hair is short and straight around her head with bangs just above her eyes. Her face is round and freckled. The happy seven year old ties buckles her shoes and my Love points me into the shower as she stands by the door keeping watch.

I shower with great difficulty. The shower heads are all over and they go off and on as if independently orchestrating a concert of water and spray.

After my shower, I want to put on my white dress and run and skip and sip my wine…I open the bag, which is my dress and shake it out. Hey, it’s green and short and snaps at the legs…

I guess I will stay in my jeans…and sneakers…and have a beer. Where are the fridge shelves anyway?

Self realization -Really?

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

“Write with your non dominant hand ten things that you are thankful for.” This was an exercise given to me by my acupuncturist, trying to help, me deal with a deep back pain that we decided was connected to stress…imagines that – stress!!! Who could possibly be so stressed that her back just decides not to cooperate with living for an entire week? Absurd! What on earth do I – or anybody else for that matter have to be stressed about?  Somehow we came to the idea that this stress is connected to my self realization. How is this even possible – or sensible? I am, after all, forty nine years old. Could I still not be self realized? If I am not self realized now, when exactly is this going to happen?

Of course I am self realized! I am here aren’t I? I’ve got this pen in my hand and I’m writing aren’t I? (And yes, I still write with an actual pen, or even a p e n c i l, on paper!!) I am married to the Woman of my dreams. I write whenever I get a few minutes away from the job that pays the rent. I read. I laugh allot with my love and with my friends. I eat. I sleep. I pray. I pray allot. I laugh allot, too. I’d say I’m pretty self realized. Wouldn’t you?

Well, then why am I so afraid? Why does this panic grab me in the chest and squeeze me so hard –straight through to my spine- I can barely breathe? Why does this panic seize my muscles and freeze me into an ice cube so hard and stiff that if dropped, I’d shatter into a million pieces before melting into a puddle, barely noticed on the floor, to be wiped up and tossed away?

And if I am not realized now, when will I be? If the past years are any indication of the speed of time, then the next bunch of years will definitely pass too quickly to realize anything else at all, let alone my self.

Will I get to know my grand children? Will my children return to me? Will that be the sign of my self realization, when my offspring realize me? Or, will I be self realized when I am lying in the ground, covered with sand and dirt and rock, one with the earth? I think that is when it will take place, my self realization….one with the earth, one with my maker, one with The Maker….Self realization me as part of The Whole.

So, forgive me, I am rambling, yet again…I am going to do it… The exercise….Ten things that I am thankful for, written with my non dominant hand…

1. I am thankful for the love I have received.
2. I am thankful for the love I receive now.
3. I am thankful for healthy children.
4. I am thankful for my Love.
5. I am thankful for the Creator whose sun warms my body.
6. I am thankful for the laughter.
7. I am thankful for the crazy.
8. I am thankful for the breeze in this hot summer.
9. I am thankful for the sleep that gives my mind the much needed rest from my crazy.
10. Beer. I am thankful for my beer.

and more Double D

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

and more Double D....

Jane goes back to the preparation room where the Juniors anxiously ready themselves ~ "Well JJ's – looks like I won't be with you for the readying process but, fear not – You are in good hands. Just remember all that you have learned and no harm will come to you and if it does, well, RUN!!!" says Jane with a wink and a smirk.

Jane has changed into her formal whites – which are the same as her informal whited, except whiter and shinier, the white linen of her formals mixed with a very fine silk that reflects the sun's rays and the moon's halos. She returns to the office of the Cowander in Chief where she is to receive the exact coordinates for the intersex meet, but a surprise awaits her.

The Cowander is Chief says, "Jane, I know this has been a long time in coming…We, the top of the Woman's Forward Movement have decided that a change must take place before the intersex meet. Women…" (In walk Kate and 2 other top WFM officials.)

"Jane, we send you on this mission not only as our ambassador but as a warrior – a defender of the principles of womanhood and all that she embodies. As such we empower you to negotiate freely and with full authority. We, your comrades give you this…( a pin is presented and pinned on her upper collar). You are now Jane, Double D 2^nd Cowander of the Woman's Forward Movement. "

Ordinarily such a presentation would not be made so ordinarily. Ordinarily there would be a big party with plenty of pomp and circumstance. Today however is different, the intersex meet is scheduled to take place and the future of the WFM as well as the ML are in the balance. There is no time to think and no time to celebrate.

Jane leaves the office of the Cowander in Chief a bit dazed but she quickly recovers and heads straight for the portopad where her transporter awaits her.

Jane, in addition to being the highest ranking Judoist in the WFM, is also an Ace pilot, having clocked many hours as a rogue driver in the days before the WFM initiated transformation and advantation for women of the planet, before women could be full Belted Fighters.

As Second Cowander Jane Double D gets into her new dome shaped transporter her mind begins to wonder and she sees herself so many years before, maybe 20 years back, to her first transporter – if you could call it that. It wasn’t even dome shaped – more of an uneasy lump – bright red in color. It was an eye sore –It stuck out like a bright red pimple on an otherwise clean and clear white telepad. But, it was hers and, it was her first was her first. She remembers with fondness, it’s loud and smoky takeoffs and near crash landings. She remembers it with a fondness the way she remembers all of her first loves – Her first Virlican sea crab, her first Irish truffle, her first man, her first woman.

Jane shakes off the urge to reminisce and focuses on the task at hand. For Jane, the new Second Cowander, the ability to compartmentalize and redirect her focus at any given moment was one of the gifts that made her who she was and got her the recognition she deserved. Although she might argue that this recognition came about only after the male/female split, that fact is, that even before the advent and coming into power of the WRM, Jane’s abilities and innate talent for focusing and analysing any given situation was recognized fairly early on. The only problem was that before the WFM, all the praise Jane received got her exactly nowhere. She was not able to move up the ranks and most of her ideas practicalities where implemented by her male counterparts. ..mostly without so much as a thank you – but a whispered kind of silent acknowledgement that ‘this’ could only have been done with Janes amazing brain.

And here she is, some 25 years later, fully respected and openly acknowledged as being one of the leading political and analytical diplomatic figures of all time….And in both the WFL as well as the Men’s League...

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You see, I need to write...I really do...
My question remains, What do you want to read? Should I blah blah bla about my life and how my Love and I blindly forge forward while sitting on the Couch? Or should I put in these fantasy chapters of the book I hope to publish before I take my dying breath, while sitting on the Couch?
What should I do?