Monday Morning Ughs with a SLAB

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

In the morning, I wake up. I don’t want to go and I think that nothing can actually get me out of bed. What could possibly be so important that I need to leave this nice warm space?  My Love’s breathe warm on my face.  Her lips parted slightly smiling at me as I open my eyes…

Then something strikes me in my hollow head and the words begin to play…Whatchu laughin at? My Love says to me. 

I don’t even know but already I can hear the beginnings of words sounding in my ears…She says, I am thinking of making another lasagna. Do you feel like it? If you don’t want to eat it, you can take it to Stig. I bought a nice fresh slab of regatta cheese. What do you think?

What do I think…I think that I am just slightly west of insanity and a bottle of chardonnay! Work – what is wrong with me? Why do I have to go? And what's that word slab- where did it come from?...S L A B…hmmmmmmm.

Stig is always hungry he can always eat- and so can I…but I am no longer supposed to be eating everything whenever I want. I have to put up boundaries and not be extreme. Lasagna is apparently now 'extreme'. Coffee is 'extreme'. Chicken is 'extreme'. Obviously chocolate is 'extreme'…but dried fruit and honey too? And bread and potatoes and spaghetti and milk and wine and – beer and -What is a poor starving girl with an eating disorder called, I-like-to-eat, to do?

 …Funny, my eating is extreme, but everything else in my life is so balanced?! ..My mind is off wandering again- where was I? Oh yeah-

She said I can give Stig some lasagna, that might make the day better… yeah, that could be a good reason to get out of bed and go to work on a Monday morning – Stig is my work buddy- my work twin, if you will. He is everything that I am not. He is male. He is tall. He is dark. He is a kid – not even past the middle of his twenties. He’s athletic and most of all – he gets me – and we have fun…Sometimes so much fun that if I have had enough valium, life at work would almost be a three ring circus.

Let me give you a fresh, straight off the weather report example…

I get to work in the morning – it’s raining in my office – yes, you heard right, raining. That might not sound so bizarre - except that our office is on the second floor of a three story building! It is literally dropping large plop plop drops into the bucket that someone has so nicely wedged into the space behind the desk of one of my work colleagues. The carpet on the floor is swollen with water under and around my desk and hers. A light fixture is hanging precariously down from above where the ceiling tile has mysteriously disappeared…And it smells, oh yes it stinks- it reeks,  – it is just plain foul smelling and malodorous!

Stig, my fine hairy friend has a stuffed nose. He cannot smell the rot…but he can see that work is not something that will be easily accomplished in this mess.

That was Monday… Friday – the stink is gone and the water has mostly dried up, for now. Someone shoved the light fixture back in the ceiling and The Boss has sent the Coo to yell at the landlords…They mostly shrugged…rain can’t be stopped- water not their fault…

During the week, workers could be seen going up to the roof, playing with electrical wires, putting up emergency exit signs that point to an exit less wall…one even came into the office and said- we are doing this for you…As if having a dry office is some outlandish expectation.

Another week comes and goes, tomorrow will again be Monday morning. My Love's breath will warm my face and we'll make each other laugh…I won't want to get up…but I will…who knows, maybe the sun will have dried up all the rain…

One thing is for sure, I will go into work and play my part- rain, electrical wires and wind will not keep me in bed, yet again.