Feet For Moving on and Walking With...

LesbosOnTheCouch by Beth C, one of the Lesbos

Here we are…feet and all…feet and all…It is the time between our New Year and Yom Kippur…The day when the book is closed on the year to come…the tomorrows are sealed and what will be is already written.

And what is racing through my mind? –where does that ADHD brain of mine carry my thoughts?  I think of moving forward. I think of the year gone by and the year to come. It can actually all be the same. What happened yesterday and last month and what will happen tomorrow. It can be the same…life can be a circle whose perimeter we travel on round and round…We can choose that…there is life. There is death. There is life and there is death again and again and on and on forever…

This year, however, I chose differently. My life is a series of spirals. My life goes round, but it also goes up and down…and it loops off to here and curves off to there…I can't control what lies ahead. But I can choose the direction. I can chose my path…I can chose who I take along with me, who I invite and who I leave behind…

On these days – the Days of Awe, I have always found myself lost in the downward spiral of the past…I thought this year would be different. I spent this past year working to make this year be different---I had held onto my loss and pain and then buried myself in that pain some more ---And then I decided to change.  I have prayed and meditated and studied and focused and I pray and meditate and focus and on and on and on the circle's perimeter is so long…and yet…I thought this year would be different.

This year coming up is full of excitement. My eldest is getting married to the most wonderful woman…both of them are strong, smart and so in love…the excitement of their life is bubbling with light and life. My younger son is amazing and strong. My Love is my lover, my partner, my friend. She shares my life and I share hers…and together we live…I started my 6^th decade with a bang and blast.

This year is full of new life plans and new life waiting to be born. This year, the Days of Awe were to be different…and in a way, they are…Each year I fear this feeling of loss and being lost. This year I had a new belief…the belief, I have a choice.

I believe that I can choose what I let into my world – my heart, my soul…I can choose and I do choose. Every day I choose and make a choice…This choice takes me on the path of my life…I chose to dive deeper. I chose to dive deeper into the darkness of the sea...and now I choose to swim into the sun…I choose to walk with the one I love…I chose to walk on sandy beaches, in cool shady forests, down the empty street and through the crowded city. I choose to take my feet and walk on, eyes open, alert and present in today…I chose. And I am grateful – for the love I've been blessed with and the wise ones I choose to listen to and hear…and for the feet that carry me and my love – on our journey into this year and the next…

May we all have a year of peace, health and love.  May we all find the strength in our feet to carry us on through to the level…and may we all find those other feet – those of a friend, a partner, a love to walk beside us and share our tomorrows.